A rock in the river, becomes a flood in the vally

Two parts of my nature are warring with each other. One part, the part that lets me go with the flow and allow myself to be carried along by the whims of others is currently in direct opposition to the part of me that wants to do it's own thing. Though even that isn't exactly the right way of putting it. A better way to say it would be I am a rock in a river. I can just as easily sit there and allow water to flow around me, as I can catch sticks and leaves and use them to block the flow and flood the lands around me.

I recently started dating again, though I think I agreed to it more for him then for myself. I say this because I have nearly no feelings for him. I could walk away tomorrow and never speak to him again with no regrets, but at the same time I could stay with him and he would be happy and he would try to make me happy. I don't really know which would be worse in the end.

I really need to work on finding my spine when it comes to men and dating. Even when I say no, it becomes a yes. If only because it is less hassle for me to let them fawn over me and claim they love me rather than continue to fight off their advances. It doesn't help that this one is currently using the claim that if I 'really felt nothing' for him I'd leave and not look back. Like I am some how lying to myself about how I feel out of fear or some other emotion.

I am not scared of love. I am not scared of lust. What I feel is not something even related to such things. I simply desire not to be distilled into some sappy romance cliché. I am devoid of such interests. It is not that I cannot feel such things as I can feel love, I can feel lust, and I might even fall prey to them from time to time. However I do not seek them out, and I would be so much happier if everyone else would keep the trappings of their own loves and lusts out of my way.

Wow.. just wow

The Following is a conversation I had not minutes ago... I honestly have no clue if this guy was for real or if he was just trolling but wow. I had no idea I could generate hate that quickly. Names have been preserved, text has only been edited for better reading and typo corrections.

Open mouth, Find Pissed off people

Go me! I remember why I don't talk to people now, its cause I am incapable of opening my mouth and not pissing someone off.

Tonight's list includes:

• Raid Leader: Because I don't want to raid when my friends aren't online. I also don't want to raid on my religion's holidays and I cant fucking raid while I am in class. You knew the last one. I assumed you wouldn't have a problem with the second one because no one wants to fucking raid on your holidays. As for the first one, it should have been fucking obvious considering I rarely if ever do anything with out my two friends. One of whom is the sole reason I'm in the guild to start with.
• Artists: Because I apparently can't voice my opinions in a public forum and yes your gallery on dA/FA/wherever is a public forum. You want privet go rent some server space and set up a gallery website there. Until then stop fucking bitching because I made a comment and you twisted it to mean something else. I like your art, I like it when you do art on this one subject. When you go out of your way to bitch because you think people want to see this other subject you've been doing recently instead of the original subject you where doing.
• People in a furry chat: Because I'm not a 'furry'. Thank you for pointing out I'm the wrong species and that I shouldn't be in this this chat. I obviously didn't realize dragons don't have fur. I also didn't realize that it really fucking mattered, so long as you played as some sort of animal or mythological species.
• Person on messenger: Because. No. I. Will. Not. Fuck. You. I don't care how many times you ask me or how many accounts you make, I'm not interested in you, nor your declarations of love. 
• Everyone that I missed: Please go spend five minuets and look for that dildo you obviously lost up your ass last week, because no one has a right to be that bitchy for any other reason.

Happy Fucking Halloween. Here is hoping yours is off to a better start then mine.

Try before you denigh

"I don't have to try _____ to know I don't like it!"

This phrase doesn't work with veggies, lesbians, men, or anything else. You honestly have to try something once before you can condemn it completely. This goes double for anyone saying they are against homosexuality, and triple for anyone who is talking to me.

I don't get to get away with it, neither can you.

Just another day

This holiday season passed by like just another day. I got exactly what I asked for, a Sausage. Money's been tighter then normal, but things look to be on the ups.

Only bad news is we're without water, and my jaw is killing me. Slowly. Our well pump seized yesterday, so we're working on replacing that. We hope to have a new well drilled this spring, so we might finally have a consistent amount of flowing water. As for my jaw... well thats what one gets when they get older and wiser. Wisdom teeth fucking hurt.