Back and bitchy, another family rant.

Well I'm back again. It's been a mild few month, with little to bitch about. Most of which was due to the fact I was absorbed in my collage classes. However this last week or so, has sucked far more then need be. Why? Well first I'll say it's due to me being out of collage for the holidays, second would be my sister's insistence on leaving for Christmas, but demanding her presents before hand. The last four years she has spent every Christmas with her father, mainly due to the fact that she and mother where refusing to talk. This year when she was asked if she had any plans, she told mother she was going to spend yet another year at her father's, not because she missed him, but because if she didn't he wouldn't get her any gifts. What the fuck? So she doesn't get presents from her daddy, is it so much to ask as to have her spend one holiday with this side of her family? Not only that but to compound things she nearly demanded her Christmas gifts before she left. Honestly she has got to be the biggest ass ever, wait no I get that title.

How do I get that title? Hmm well it has to do with the fact that I'm as blunt as a brick, and I really hate surprises. I've gone so far as to make databases, to print out itemized lists with ISBNs, URLs, and prices for any items I might want, so I can prevent people from buying be random gifts. I know this apprently pisses my mother off to no end, mostly because she thinks she knows me well enough to get me gifts. Honestly she hasn't known me that will since I was seven. I am a firm beleiver in getting people gift cards or cash if you don't know them, or if they are over thirteen. I'm also a firm beliver that if you can't spend at least a hundred dollars on an adult family member then you should either buy them a gift card, or get them nothing. Most adults will understand and its alot less insluting to buy someone a gift card, or to tell them you just don't have the money.

There is this other little thing I tend to do, and I don't just do it with presents. I do it anytime there is something I don't know, I want to know, and no one wants to tell me; I hunt for information. Mother knows this and has used it to her advantage, as I'm always the one to get the lists from my siblings for the holidays and birthdays. However when I made passing mention to her about her keeping this year's presents locked in the car, she completely flipped. She has a screaming hissy, telling me I'm worse then a toddler, and I should be ashamed of myself for trying to ruin christmas. Umm What? I've checked presents, and reported my findings to my siblings since they where old enough to know Santa wasn't real. I'm fairly sure she knew as well, I mean how could she not know? I'm about as sneaky as a fat man in a red suit covered in bells in the middle of july. I think what really pissed her off was that my sister's boyfriend desided that he'd make a big deal of it in front of her. Not that he's any better, he told my sister what her present was right infront of us while trying to tell my mother what he got her.

Speaking of that incident that was just before my sister tripped and broke the wall. Which I'll be repairing due to the fact that it's apprently my fault. She and I where horseing around, she punched me, I tried to punch her, she moved back, tripped and fell. Then pretty much everyone said I pushed her and I have to fix the wall. I'm pretty sure I didn't push her, in fact its kinda hard to push someone when they are backing away from you. My step-father is also pissed at me for this incident, mostly because my sister made it sound like I slammed her into the wall. I have no problem with fixing the wall, or taking responsiblity for chaseing her so that she tipped and fell into the wall. What pisses me off the most is that I'm automatically blamed, and villified, because I am the older sister. Where as she is the younger one and actually started horseing around with me.

I can't wait until collage starts back up, sadly I will no longer have my privet time without family, as everyone is going to have classes. However there are still hidden corners of the libary to hide in, so I might actually be able to enjoy some semi-alone time.

Game Sites

I play Internet games.

I also run a forum for an Internet game.

Now heres where we run into problems, 90% of other administrators for these type of games appear to be idiots. Yes I'm sure that your money sink of a site is your baby, but as soon as you open your baby to the public, IT IS NOT YOURS ANYMORE! I feel once a site is public is becomes property of the user base. They after all are your customers, your source of admiration, your what ever the fuck you need them to be. There for it is a wise idea to either explain why X would not work, or better yet LET THE USERS HAVE A FUCKIN' VOTE! Nine for ten, the users will be smart enough to not let the really stupid shit get online. We aren't idiots, some of us might actually know something about running/designing a website, some of us might also have a better understand of your 'baby' then you do. How might we know more then the ALMIGHTY ADMIN? Easy, most users don't have their heads so far up their asses that they can actually see. Where as most admins are so fucked up on their drug of choice; power, that they can't tell their user base from a shit covered mushroom growth.

Keith, Etsuko, Kaboom, and every other admin that thinks your better then the users who made you what you are. I hope you one day read this, get pissed, and then realize you can't ban me. If only because your on my site now bitches.

Oww Fuck!

I HATE BEING FEMALE!!!

Normally I can tolerate being a girl, today not so much. I used to enjoy the rare and light period, one to three days every two to three months, with flow so light you'd swear I wasn't on the rag. This was my natural way, and it was good. However since my sister returned, I've suffered an increase of frequency, length, and PAIN during my periods. My theory? My sister is on the pill, she extrudes those icky girlie hormones which kick mine into overdrive, making me an utter bitch. Oh and it's only gonna get worse, My mother recently started a hormone supplement to help lighten HER periods.

Now here's the wonderful advice my mother gave when I let her know she was fucking with MY cycle: "Maybe you should get the pill".

I have a few problems with this statement. A. I do NOT need to be taking anymore drugs. I'm already maxing out on the pain pills for my migraines. Do I really need more pills, ones that could actually MAKE me hurt? B. My natural cycle is two to three months, not one like 'Normal' people. I know there is a pill that allows one to have a period every three months but I'm naturally like that! C. I am crap with time, I'm violent when presented with needles/scalpels/other sharp doctor toys(hello childhood trauma), and I have a family history of negative reactions to the patch. D. Most importantly why should I have to change the way I live so someone else can get laid? I'm not getting any, and the rare times I do get some I make sure He uses a rubber. Just because my sister can't figure out how to put a rubber on her slut-puppy, why do I need to suffer?

Once again, I HATE being female, and where there any way for me to change gender without surgery, I would take it, with almost no questions asked.

Web Based Games...

Web based games suck the older they get. The longer one of these web games is around the more people know about it, and the more people who know about it is proportional to the amount of stupidity and drama presented on the site. As a whole I love web games, especially those that involve breeding and/or other ways to raise or interact with a pet. What I don't like is the fact that after so long of playing you start to feel alienated by the site due to increased amounts of drama caused by immature users. Sometimes I wonder what goes through these people's heads when they pull this shit, other times I don't even want to fathom the depths of their stupidity.

Not quite broken

Well for better or for worse, the engagement is off. I feel like I just had a 5 ton weight lifted off my shoulders, which is a good thing. He's taking it pretty well, and he says he wants me to be happy. I'm going to do my best to work this out with him.

Bloody Fucking Hell!

My sister went for a visit to her fathers. This in it's self was actually a good thing as she took the other two biggest mess makers in the house with her. However, she decided to ask our mum if she could bring back her boyfriend's brother's puppy, to which she was told a resounding 'No'.

Not that what our mother says matters much to anyone. See as the youngest she gets what she wants, no matter how much it hurts everyone else. So we now have a tenth dog, and an eighth cat, oh I didn't mention she got our brother to go along with her plan; even though he hates dogs, by telling him he could bring the kitten. Which by the way, she never even mentioned the kitten!

Thank you so fucking much, sister.

I love you, doesn't mean I'm in love with you...

I've started to realize I'm not in love with my fiance, not that I don't love him, but my love is different then the kind he wants. I know he wants the romantic, passionate love of newly weds, but frankly I feel I can't offer that to him. I love him as a lot of things, a friend, a protector, an all around good guy, and most of all I love him like a brother. All of those are what make my not loving him as a wife/fiance/girl friend seem so cruel. I wish for a gentle way to let him go, though I know that no matter how I break it to him, he will break.

Most Days...

Most days I can get through the day without thinking about the pieces missing from me, you know things like a tail, scales, fur, the basic things humans don't have. Today wasn't one of those days, in fact it was worse then the normal 'I miss my fuzziness' that I have. Everyone of my senses feel like they are being over stimulated, to much light, to much sound, to many smells, and to much stimulation on my poor skin. Though it's more that my mind/body is desiding that they want to play tricks on me. I can handle human sences, the loss of my night vision, my balance, my sence of smell, and the increase in tactile imput, but when when my brain desides 'oh lets use dragon sences today' it's like going from a small dark box to a bright open field. As a dragon I have better night vision, better hearing, sclase to protect my poor skin, and a better sence of smell, not that I can smell anything past the cigerates and animals.

In short, I want my dragon form. I want the stablity of sences that won't deside to go wonky on me. I want the good and the bad, the molting, the sheding, the lack of opoaseable digits, my fat tail, and the need to ear raw meat.

I want be whole.

Most Days...

Most days I can get through the day without thinking about the peices missing from me, you know things like a tail, scales, fur, the basic things humans don't have. Today wasn't one of those days, in fact it was worse then the normal 'I miss my fuzziness' that I have. Everyone of my sences feel like they are being over stimulated, to much light, to much sound, to many smells, and to much stimulation on my poor skin.

Damn it! I want my 'right body', not this human shell; at least then I'd have a ligitamet excuse for having over sensitive eyes, ears and nose. Yes, I have both fur and scales, I'm built for cold cliemts, scales keep me cool in the summer, and fur keeps me warm in the winter,

Enough!

I am sick and fucking tired of hearing about my fiance's parents and the stupid shit they do. Frankly I tired of hearing about his friend as well, but his parents have really pushed my buttons. He needs to talk to someone about them and it sure as hell isn't me. I've told him I don't want to hear about it, unless he is going to do something about how they treat him. I don't know if it him or his parents, but between them it's ruining our relationship!

How far have we fallen?

Everyday I ask myself that... How far have we fallen? How much longer will we last?

I tell him he needs to keep my attention else he'll loose me, he says it's not a problem. It is a problem, and I don't know how to get him to realize that while I love him, he still NEEDS to keep me from wandering. Every problem we have, he ignores in the hopes it will magicly go away. I just wish I could make him see, it won't go away, unless by away you mean I leave him.

Fighting the System

I shall not fall behind on critical system updates.

Spent most of today fighting with my desktop, not only to update windows, but to switch my browser back from opera to firefox. Opera desided that it recently wanted to 'loose' all my bookmarks, and then pretend I had multipul copies open. Thankfully all is not lost! I have copies of all my bookmarks on my laptop, as well as on my flash drive AND google. Though right now I'm downloading the new betas for IE8 and FF3, for my laptop.

The Great Escape

I guess you could call this my privet little hide away. This will be a place where I can rant, rave, and bitch in freedom.

So with that said on to about me. I'm a twenty-three year-old female collage student. I'm engaged to my boyfriend of five years, due to marry, possible never. Oh and did I mention I'm a dragon? Furry, dragon-kin, freak, pervert, call me what you will, but I'm a dragon and I make no delusions about my human body. On the inside I'm a full fledged, roaring, soaring dragon who hoards coins, marbles, jewelry, and art supplies.

I live in the middle of nowhere, other wise known as northern Michigan, with an insanely large number of other warm bodies. The list of warm bodies include: my biological mother, my mother's second husband, my half brother, my half sister, my half sister's boy toy, nine dogs, seven cats, and any number of wild creatures that sneak into our ancient six bedroom farm house. I'm not fond of it here, but when you live some where free and clear you don't get to bitch about it, at least not out loud.

But you wanna know what really sucks? I'm in love, with a man who lives 8 hours, and another country away from me. He drives me insane; in both the good and the bad ways. It always seems like he can't decide if he likes or loathes his friends and family. I do my best to help him through his problems with them, not that he listens to my suggestions. He barely humors me when I mention the fact that I'm a dragon. Yet, even with all these faults I can't help but love him. He irritates, infuriates, and just plain annoys the hell out of me, some nights more so then others.

Tonight, was one of those nights. I've told him over and over again, that unless he is going to act against his parents he probably shouldn't bitch about them to me. He lives at home with his parents, just as I do. Yet unlike me he lets them tell him where and when he can and can't go. Neither one of us are people who would be gone for days without letting people know, nor are we the type to break rules just to break them. However where I need only tell my mother I'm going out, he needs to beg and plead for them to let him leave. It's not even for the keys to the car that he begs for, HE OWNS THE CAR! He just can't seem to cut the apron strings and tell him mommy & daddy off, because he's so afraid they will be mad at him. After hearing him bitch non-stop for about fifteen minuets, I got fed up and told him he needs to go see a therapist. I love him, but he has parent issues, and talking to me just isn't cutting it. After which he got indignant, and pretty much told me thats what I was for. Sorry sweetheart, but I have my own emotional baggage to deal with.